


Dean Winchester/Castiel 3-Sentence AUs

by MajorEnglishEsquire



Series: 3-Sentence AUs [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 3 Sentence Fiction, Alternate Universe, M/M, Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-06 18:27:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16838005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MajorEnglishEsquire/pseuds/MajorEnglishEsquire
Summary: These 3-Sentence Alternate Universe mini-fics were originally posted on Tumblr. Due to the site's impending ban of adult content (and possibly also impending death), I'm moving all my writing over here, even the small stuff.To find me on alternative platforms, check my bio. I'll try to keep it updated as I find other places to hang out.





	Dean Winchester/Castiel 3-Sentence AUs

**Ottoman Empire I**

> Anonymous: Destiel 17th century Ottoman Empire

The nargile bubbles as Dean pulls on the pipe and he rests back, exhaling, letting the sound of men discussing politics and religion in the local tongue wash over him. He loves this port, the daytime bustle and the clatter of teacups and smell of tobacco that the night brings. He blinks through the haze of smoke to an unusual sight, a drifter dustier than himself, blue eyes shining through the night, greedily drinking in the sight of Dean’s own body in repose.

**Ottoman Empire II**

> Anonymous: any chance for a part II of Dean/Cas ottoman empire

They have to speak in looks and touches, as it turns out. “Castiel” doesn’t speak his language, nor Dean his, and so goes the risk of falling for a startling stranger in a port city.

Down by the water, sunrise, before Dean must return to his crew, must sail off to seek spices, they curl into each others’ hands and press foreign words into each others’ mouths.

**Beachcomber**

> clotpoleofthelord: I CAN'T BELIEVE I MISSED THE PROMPTING. AAGH. Well. If you still need one, how about Dean/Cas, beachcomber AU?

Cas stumbles over a dune to the high-pitched wailing of his metal detector and almost lands on top of a prone form. The man is pale, needs more of the sun he’s basking in, and is a little less unshaven than Cas himself right now, but beautiful.

His laugh is beautiful, too, when he looks up and apologizes, “Old hunting accident,” he indicates his left knee, “I’m practically Iron Man now.”

**Roman Empire**

> deanhugchester: DeanCas Roman empire AU.

Castiel will be emperor one day, so his father sends him to train at war when he comes of age to learn about ruthlessness and strategy, something to which he is naturally inclined, it turns out.

He will leave for the front line in Gaul, soon, and so today meets his escort. Their leader is Dean, who has a hard face but expresses concern for the young man’s well-being enough that he wonders if this lesson will be more of love or of war.

**Reverse ‘Verse**

> pathsofpassion: DeanxCas, reverse verse?

Dean is the only angel who ever spends a significant amount of time in Cas’s car, his head cocked to the side, listening to— no, _absorbing_ the old tunes on the cassettes.

“I like these things,” he’ll say, stroking the leather interior, keeping his palms flat to the dash when Cas revvs the Impala to life. Cas and Gabe have called the car home their whole lives, but Dean fits in there quite well, comfortably in shotgun, watching his Father’s creation fly by at a mere 55, 60, 70 miles per hour.

**Bar Rescue**

> Anonymous: deancas 'i'm pretending to be ur bff bc u looked VERY uncomfortable with that person at the bar hitting on u' au

Ever since his roommates had learned he’s bi, Cas has rebuffed their efforts to get him to socialize at bars and clubs since he’d much prefer to meet a partner somewhere he thinks he can relate to them more– at the library, the tiny coffeehouse he frequents, or the graduate lab at school. But they’ve been so excited about having someone to legitimately enter a gay bar with that he didn’t want to crush their spirits by refusing again.

He regrets this, of course, when the first over-sized galoot at the bar is too drunk to catch his big NO THANK YOU vibes… and ready to forget those regrets all over again when a beautiful, green-eyed stranger comes up, tucks into his side and kisses him gently, almost politely, on the cheek, shouting over the music, “There you are, sweetheart, wanna get away from this guy and out to the dance floor?”

**Happy Teenagers**

> Anonymous: Dean and Cas happy teenagers AU

Dean gives him an hour after he gets home before he calls because he knows Cas is a dork and he wants to do his homework first. It’s hard to wait even that one hour, harder to know they won’t see each other again until they get to campus in the morning… but then they’ve got all their classes and lunch together, and eventually the weekend to look forward to. On the phone or on skype or while texting, it’s the same as it is at school, talking about everything and nothing, learning each other front and back, the first years of what will be a very long life of Dean and Cas: completely inseparable.

**Happy Sex**

> Anonymous: Cas and Dean happy sexy times (AU cuz happy)  
>  (a/n: Yeah, yeah, now you’re just using the “happy” element to stretch fluff into “au” I C U FRIEND I KNOW HOW THIS WORKS)

It’s such a bright and lovely morning that Dean decides to coax Cas out onto their balcony to have sex. It has to start with a full breakfast spread, otherwise Cas would become suspicious, but as it goes, half-way through his second coffee, Cas reaches over to thumb syrup off Dean’s bottom lip and _he knows he’s in_.

They make love in the light of the rising sun, the rolling ocean their only witness.

**County Fair**

> tarastarr1: Dean/Cas, county fair.

He knows Cas mainly agreed because he had to see how, exactly, people managed to deep fry Coca Cola, but Dean really intends to inflict the entire experience on Castiel: unwinabble games, rusty, wobbly rides, questionable hot dogs and all.

Cas finishes every fried Oreo and Snickers and ice cream that Dean can’t, he experiences his first tummyache on the Tilt-a-Whirl, and he gets his toes stomped on by a gaggle of massive stuffed animals with little kids’ feet running by.

Dean notices, in the motel room that night, that Cas even got a sunburn and a sore back from the bumper cars; so he rubs aloe in some places and soothing warm hands in others, dipping his nose to the crook of Cas’s neck, smelling the easy day of sunshine on him.

**Swimming Lessons**

> elvisglasses: Are you still doing the fic prompt thingy? How about this: there's a swimming pool in the bunker's basement where Dean teaches human!Cas how to swim.

Cas wobbles down the steps into the water on unsteady legs, completely psyched out, vibrating like a nervous baby bird, and Dean leads him, walking backwards into the water, hands gripping his, drawing Cas further in.

Dean’s not wild about it, either, after all (he’s had more than one drunken fever dream about that time the monsters oozing out of him had walked Castiel’s vessel into a pond and he’d thought he’d lost him forever) and so they have both silently agreed to be patient with each other.

Dean stops in the water where it’s still shallow and draws Cas closer, until Cas is simply standing in his arms, warming to the temperature of the heated pool, soaking, the shivers easing out of him under the gentle sweep of Dean’s hands over his back.

**Neighbors**

> inthebackoftheimpala: DeanCas, neighbors

On the ground, in front of the community mailbox, Dean sees a bright yellow Hallmark envelope with Happy Birthday scrawled on it, picks it up, and flips it over to see the strangest name he’s ever read, “Castiel,” and the address, 249, right on the way up, so it’s not out of his way to drop off.

He can be neighborly and shit, and thinks nothing of trying to slip the envelope into the crack of the door until he considers that, you know, birthday cards, they’ve normally got gift cards or checks or something inside – he can’t just leave it out here, like, what if the dude’s birthday cash gets stolen?

Dean waits for a knock and just when he thinks maybe he should have left the envelope where he found it for all this trouble, the door opens to the most beautiful sex hair and bluest eyes he’s ever seen… so he must stutter out a ‘happy birthday’ or something, unmoving, forgetting to hand the card over, because those eyes sweep up and down him and Castiel says, “It certainly is.”

**Knight & King**

> pathsofpassion: king!cas and knight!dean?

In truth, Dean is the one who brought the entire realm down– he’s the one who slew King Michael, committed regicide, defied the crown, and committed the deepest of treason, and here he kneels before Castiel – now _King_ Castiel – having turned himself in, ready for his punishment, accepting of his fate.

But Michael was cruel, and none of his people mourn him, not even his brother, though Castiel knows he should feel deep sorrow, he actually feels nothing more than relief knowing his people are safe, knowing that this Knight protected them at great personal cost.

The whole court, everyone in his country, it seems, holds their breath as he rises from the throne and lifts his sword to Sir Dean Winchester – waiting to see if one stroke will end him as it did Michael, or honor him for his service to the people.

**1860s Steamboat**

> rattatea: 1.) destiel 2.) 1860s steamboat gambling

He’d nearly cleaned the most well-to-do men out of their cash and gold timepieces so he’d have to take his winnings and run, soon – he had nothing to do with the bags of cotton seed and barrels of molasses they would no doubt try to table after these hefty gambling losses.

He also couldn’t very well ride the barrels downriver or escape the steamboat on them if they sniffed out his card tricks and he was starting to get nervous, hoped they hit port very soon.

Just as his opponents at the table were starting to raise their eyebrows and protest him leaving with all their swag, he was jolted by a hand hauling him up by the tie… a hand attached to a very handsome blue-eyed man who declared, “no, gentlemen, this game is over, indeed – I’ve been waiting all night to rough this man up myself,” followed by the promising tilt of a conspiratorial smile.

**First Bite of Pie**

> inthebackoftheimpala: DeanCas, first bite of pie

Dean leaves Cas back in the booth, wrapped tight in his coat and looking lost; probably drowning in sensation, the poor guy, all the sights and sounds– and the lack of them too, because _who knows_ what Cas is missing out on now that his angelic senses have so suddenly been ripped away from him.

Dean pays at the counter and thinks about bundling Cas back into the car, finding some comforting, quiet spot for him to survive his first human night without anything too startling or too hot or too cold, and when he thinks of comfort, he’s staring at the dessert case thinking that that’s a good idea, too.

He brings a slice back to share, two forks, and gently offers one over, watching Cas place it carefully in his hand then the first tentative bite, the burst of summer, of fruit and sweetness, the top both crusty and spongy – complex, still, for Cas, but the simplest, most comforting thing of all: that Dean thought of cheering and soothing him and the first thing that came to mind was sharing of _himself_.

**Starship Troopers**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean/Cas, new recruits for an INTERSTELLAR WAR

Castiel never believed the anti-bug hype and he didn’t enlist in Federation service to be dumped in Mobile Infantry, but he was a big believer in Citizenship and so, he goes where he’s assigned… over and over and over again. He never meant to be that good at killing bugs but he outlasts every outfit he’s with and even makes it through the disastrous strike on Klendathu and, after, is thrown into a big, established command with one other wayward survivor: a roughneck named Winchester.

As the only two new guys on the team, they're distrusted by everyone else and stuck protecting each others’ backs until, lo and behold, they outlast the rest of the squadron and are assigned a command all their own which Dean jokingly dubs “Team Free Will” — it sticks.

**Birds**

> Anonymous: Dean/Cas, birds

The Winchester boys are Known Trouble (capitalization necessary) as motherless boys with drunkard fathers are known to be and so stories abound about how Dean is a braggart and brawler and Sam is a know-it-all-little-shit.

When Cas’s family moves into the neighborhood, he hears the stories, too, and his siblings all swear to witnessing fights and bullying and weapon carrying.

Cas sees none of that, personally, as what he does see, in one unguarded moment, walking slowly home after school one day: Dean shooing away some fourth grade boys, then crouching over a broken-necked bird at the side of the road, scooping it up, and walking far into a field to bury it properly.

**In the PWP Food Truck**

> pathsofpassion: promptses! deancas in the [pwp foodtruck](https://archiveofourown.org/series/213257) au (that is totally not cheating shh)
> 
> (a/n y'all are fuckin relentless)

It’s never just a grind, a turn-and-burn, Dean would never allow it; the work they do in the truck is for fun, it’s for themselves, it’s for personal growth, exploring foods, traveling, and continuing their little culinary journey while they keep fighting for the forces of good. And they never forget either of their missions – the hunting or the having fun – which is why, Cas explains, he made the whole chest of ice cubes with holy water, and, even after all this, he still seems quite proud.

Dean shakes his head in amazement before looking down at the mess on his apron and wondering if it’s a compliment that the demon who’d come up to get pretzels and a lemonade slush from them was so excited about the prospect of trying their food that they risked it even when they spotted Winchesters in the window.

**Vineyard**

> inthebackoftheimpala: dean/cas. vineyard.

It’s strange for people to come on vineyard tours alone, without a partner or spouse or even just a well-seasoned drinking buddy, and Dean wouldn’t normally have noticed it – he keeps far away from the tours, stays busy with grunt work on his barrels as Sam leads the tourists through. Dean doesn’t really like to be recognized as the landowner because he gets all sorts of stupid questions, but this time he’s the one with a stupid question, “You’re alone?” And he must sound a little stunned– in all honesty, he is, because the stranger in front of him with the blue, blue eyes and the growing grin, well, he really is gorgeous and… by the looks of it, single.

**Paratroopers**

> deansnuggles: Ahhh I love 3 sentence fic time! Destiel - paratroopers.

“No,” Dean says and that’s beyond final, it’s 10000% final, it is absolutely final and it’s totally not final because Cas is about to do his ~I believe in you~ routine, he can see his eyes well up with it and his back straighten with pride and Dean can’t handle that kind of full-frontal assault so he basically turns and runs away.

Cas follows, of course, he can’t leave well enough alone. He thinks this is about Dean not taking pride in his training and, no, really he’s a good soldier and he knows it, but he’s not invulnerable and he gets _scared_ ; he gets scared at the very thought of being trapped in the tin tube of an airplane, whether or not it’s getting shot at again – but how the hell can he admit that to Cas when he just believes in him so earnestly?

**Pop Rocks**

> biblionerd07: For your three-sentence prompts: Dean/Cas, pop rocks (the candy).

The man next to Cas on the bus is shoveling some kind of red… gravel into his mouth or something and it’s just strange, him making all these munching and crackling noises, it’s almost rude. He can’t help but eye the stranger like he ought to be ashamed, but when the man catches his glare he only grins and offers the packet he’s holding, “Candy?”

“Castiel, actually,” he replies, dryly, but the man just rolls his eyes and yanks at Cas’s hand, turning it and dumping the candy into his palm and– he really should know better, taking candy from strangers and such, but, curious, he tries it and the candy pieces snap in his mouth, surprising him, making the stranger grin.

**Baking Competition**

> tarastarr1: DeanCas, state fair baking competition

Castiel doesn’t even know his competition but Gabriel’s working the table with him and his brother has got him SO AMPED UP that he could drink the blood of his competitor right now and has zero sympathy for the fact that, the last round, the guy had his cooler kicked open by the runner-up, so he’s working without ice to chill anything that needed to be refrigerated and it’s blisteringly hot out today – Cas can’t afford to care. For the reputation of his bakery, he’s got to win and he doesn’t– he didn’t– he really did not care– he doesn’t– _damn_ those are some green eyes, some big, fine hands, a gorgeous smirk…

“Snap out of it,” Gabe demands, clicking his fingers.

So Cas turns his back to the other tent and works right up until time runs out… and he loses, quite fairly, to the guy who came into the competition with a disadvantage, and, anyway, he could not ask for a friendlier handshake while accepting second place– and the phone number that’s slipped into his palm while both teams chat with enthusiasm about meeting up to ‘share recipes.’

**Last Day of the Semester**

> pathsofpassion: DeanCas last day of semester and they haven't talked about next semester's living arrangements au? (why am I on a college roommates kick, I do not know).

It’s the hand-wringing that gives Dean away, the way he hesitates over packing his belongings when Cas is there, but each time he comes around to study for finals, something else has disappeared into one of the boxes shoved in the corner.

Cas doesn’t want to bring it up if it’s gonna hurt either of them, he really likes being just two doors down from Dean, but one day, when they’re studying for their very last exam in Econ, Cas puts his pen down and asks, “Are you not returning to the dorms next year?”

Dean hesitates again, a long moment of swallowing and seeking composure before he looks up from the textbook, “You know, I didn’t think I’d be getting so much financial aid, but I haven’t even touched the money my parents set aside and– I was- Cas, I was wondering– I was gonna get a place off-campus next year and I wondered– I didn’t wanna assume, I know it’s just been the last couple months we’ve been together, but–”

Cas pries the pencil out of Dean’s hand before he can snap it, pushes their notes aside and curves his hands around Dean’s neck, whispering close: “Yes.”

**Beer Pong**

> Anonymous: dean/cas, teenager au? specifically like house party+beer pong au??

He thought the dude was gonna be a total buzzkill with his nice shoes and conservative sweater and clean haircut, but people actually couldn’t wait for this Cas guy to get to the party, cheered when he arrived, and seemed to be fucking thrilled when he so much as entered a room and just smiled briefly at them, hardly exchanging a word. _Whatever_ , Dean thought mean things about homeschooled freaks and how much everybody babied them so they could watch ‘em vomiting on the lawn in the wee hours of the morning and get a good laugh.

But then someone brought out the beer pong table and what Cas lacked in talent, specifically, he made up for with the fact that he could _dip his tongue into the cups to retrieve the ping-pong ball_ and holy shit - is it the beer making him feel like this or is he really sweating over the nerd guy?

**PWP Focaccia Redux**

> Anonymous: MAJOR why did no one tell me the fucking focaccia is so GOOOD now it is all I want to eat ever plz help. three sentence au: dean/cas, the focaccia redux? >.>
> 
> (a/n You are QUITE WELCOME to your new bread habit, anon, I feel wicked good about this.)

Dean follows his nose to the bunker kitchen because he smells this fantastic combination of fresh herbs being chopped before Cas even gets to the good part – bread is harder to work on in the food truck, so focaccia has been out for a while but it would seem his time has come at last, since they’re home for the week.

Dean hovers at his shoulder until Cas lists off, “oregano, rosemary, thyme, cracked pepper,” he rattles the sea salt, “and this on top, of course, with olive oil.”

Dean loves it, classic and simple and earthy and rich and Cas will carry the scent of it into the sheets with himself even at the end of the day, delicious and warm and healthy and that fresh-baked-bread taste sitting right in his skin when Dean pulls up his hard-working hands and sets his mouth against Cas’s palm to kiss.

**Wildlife Rescue**

> femmechester: Wildlife rescue officer Dean and Cas with an injured bird of your choice (whose injuries are obviously not that bad).

So this is a first: Dean drops his paperwork as a shirtless guy walks in – actually maybe he’s just half-naked but not entirely shirtless as a starched, white button-up appears to be in his arms wrapped around something large… with talons… and as it gives a sad little chirrup, Dean can tell it’s an eagle, nearly full-grown.

The man is wild-haired, “You have to help me,” he says, “she was grounded, I saw her on the edge of the forest,” he just meets Dean at the counter and places the bird down, gentle as he can, and keeps a grip around the mass while pulling one side of the shirt up to reveal a damaged wing, “please help,” the guy practically begs, and Dean tries to calm him while calling back to Amelia.

He waits for the bird out in the office, Dean even hears him call out of work so he comes to bring him a paper cup of coffee, “It’s gonna be a while, man, maybe you should-”

“Can you imagine,” he stares off, blank, almost mournful, “to have the whole world ripped away from you like that and just-”

“Hey,” Dean sits next to him, “she’ll be fine, she’ll fly again, you helped her as fast as you could, you saved her,” and his words don’t shake the man out of it but when Dean takes off his uniform shirt and offers it so he can cover himself, the man blinks and accepts it and, finally, for the first time in hours, a smile.

**Star Chef**

> sifthepit: 3 sentence AU! I'm so glad! And since we are back on the baking, can I get a Dean/Cas, star chef AU? (Maybe one of them is a camera guy, if you're feeling generous). 💙💙💙

Charlie is having absolutely the worst day at work because this footage - _all of this footage_ \- is utterly, completely, “UNUSABLE, CAS,” she throws her hands up, “like literally what the fuck, dude, I can’t cut this into a complete episode when we’re missing all the goddamn action of, like, you know, HANDS working on FOOD and knife skills and shit because all I’m seeing is Dean’s mouth and his eyes and his–” rakish grin and, oh, yes, there it is - even a gratuitous shot of the star’s ass as he’s walking away, towards the fridge.

She doesn’t have to chew Cas out for awful camera work; a slow side-eye tells her that Cas is already sheepish, sinking into his chair in the dark editing room, completely caught-out that this week’s episode isn’t a cooking show, just basically feature porn and a lot of Dean’s tongue catching stray sauce off his lips.

“Oh, god,” she whines, “I thought you two _couldn’t stand each other_ , Cas, you said-”

“Charlie,” he gives her a look like she ought to know better, “cut me a break - that was before I tasted his sausage-”

Her chair flips over, she runs from the room so fast.

**Ancient Egypt I**

> Anonymous: Cas and Dean ancient Egypt (btw you're amazing)  
>  (a/n Hey, thanks.)

Against orders, he descends and flashes through the city in a blink to find Dean still in his master’s workshop mixing paints to color the day’s carvings.

He warns Dean of what’s coming – a plague, famine, total chaos and disaster – and means for him to run from there, to escape to the north on a boat before the archangels arrive (and before he is returned to heaven and reprogrammed, himself).

“What about all the other people?” he asks, true to form, the very human Castiel falls in love with in every incarnation, “We have to get them out if we can, Cas– as many as we can.”

**Ancient Egypt II**

> Anonymous: maybe Dean and Cas Ancient Egypt that isn't beautifully heartbreaking

Dean dusts sand off his hands and nods to his contact as he slinks away across the dunes with the gilded box, “You gotta trust me, Cas.” He can feel Castiel projecting complete doubt at the back of his head until he turns to see that dubious face up close. “No one will ever stumble upon that curse box in this tomb, I mean, the kid was only king for like 8, 9 years, history will completely forget him!”

**Ancient Egypt III**

> stesichoreanpalinode: You know the next three-second prompt has to be: Dean/Cas, Ancient Egypt, Dean is leading the construction team that is building one of the pyramids, Cas is a temple priest designing the interior of the burial chamber, hieroglyphics are used...

Castiel is pleased to find that the new head of the construction team isn’t a mindless brute like those he’s worked with before; progress was important to them only so far as the glory and magnificence of the outside of the structure was concerned, but this one, Dean, has respect (if not complete reverence) for the eternal resting place of his god and king.

It’s Castiel’s own reverence that is now in question since his idle thoughts between tasks have turned from the sun and the gods down to earth— to the sweat rolling down Dean’s bare back in the heat, his empathy for his comrades and subordinates, his swiftness and grace of movement, his firm… features… in other words: to lust.

It occurs to him too late that Dean is educated enough to decipher the text Castiel scraped out only in fantasy, to amuse himself, and when Dean’s shadow falls over his work, Cas freezes and turns to look up at him, up at a grin steadily growing and a wink that’s not just to blink the sweat from his eyes. ([X](https://imgur.com/gallery/Nb39NY2))

_ **The X-Files** _

> clotpoleofthelord: Pssssst Dean/Cas xfiles AU.

Dad raised him to hunt the things, but it never did sit well with Dean, so when he got his GED he took it to the police academy, served in Chicago, and then moved on to Quantico. His intention was to take all he knew about hunting and integrate it into legitimate law enforcement, but, of course, once he let it slip, he got labelled a crackpot and nearly booted from the academy.

Cas doesn’t seem like a great ally to have, but, as one of the instructors, he’s in a good position to help Dean earn his badge, even if he is a bit of a religious nut.

**Cheesy Period Romance**

> tarastarr1: dean/cas or sam/gabe, cheesy period romance novel

The oceanic blue depths of Castiel’s eyes sparkle with joy as Dean drops to one knee. “My love,” Dean says, presenting him with a fine golden ring, “would you name the date that will make me happiest of men?”

“OH, _Dean_ ” Cas cries, “your happiness would only be second to mine own!”

**Teachers**

> Anonymous: deancas teachers au

This field trip is going to be a piece of cake because the history museum has its own small _army_ of guides and so many parents volunteered to chaperone that there’s basically no need for the teachers to hang around. Dean’s relieved – he’s been on this trip every year he’s been with the school – and it looks like the new guy, Cas, could stand to have a day away from his enthusiastic gaggle of students.

Dean hooks his elbow and leads him in the opposite direction, to the cool parts of the massive museum that no one tends to discover until around noon, and tries to decide if it would be more awesome to make out with him in the Ancient Greek or Revolutionary American portions of the building.

**Athenian Philosophers**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean/Cas, Athenian Philosopher AU

Like so many of their peers, they do their best thinking with a good jug of wine passed around, watered down by the servants at intervals, and in the company of many great scholars. This night of academic rivalries and debates ends as their friends are sent home and only Dean and Castiel remain. Dean’s mind is too open, for he does not see the harm, anymore, in this state, in coming up close to Castiel pressing his precious, well-admired face between his hot palms, tasting the wine on his wet lips.

**Terrible Life ‘Verse**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean Smith/Cas. Dean's a businessman, Cas is a window washer.

Weirdly, the only way Cas can handle working up so high everyday is to spark one up over breakfast and, well, work _high_ , but he’s out of weed and his fucking brother won’t give him any unless he agrees to a prank. Gabriel gives him the room number, Cas figures out which window it is on the Sandover building, and he accepts the dregs of a dime bag, promising to fulfill the prank against this asshole, this Dean Smith guy.

It wasn’t schwag like Cas thought it would be and he’s giggling by the time he pulls down his pants in the swinging basket and plants his ass against the window – even better, when he turns around laughing, he sees an incredibly handsome man standing there smiling, eyeing him up, tapping a dry erase marker, his number carefully written backwards on the window in front of his face.

**Professor/TA**

> marvelousbuckybarnes: dean and cas, teacher/ TA

He spent a lot less time in the lecture hall before Dean became his TA– in fact, he also spent less time grading and concerning himself with the lesser functions of his job and more time writing the papers that kept him in said job and put money in his wallet.

Dean’s just such a joy to watch, you know, from _behind_.

Cas is just entranced by that ass sometimes, and how enthusiastic Dean gets when he’s covering the finer points from the text and how he climbs the stairs to collect the papers… and leaves a butt print against the chalk board when he leans there and… oh he is in _SO_ much trouble.

**Tattooed**

> drivingschool: Destiel, tattooed!AU?

Sam convinced Dean that he needed a _professional_ -professional to do his taxes this time around and, with law school and all, he just didn’t have time to assist his brother with not getting his shop audited over all these confusing forms.

After just one minute with his new accountant, he needs no more convincing, he just needs this business to conclude as fast as possible; needs to know for sure if Cas is single, if he’s interested at all, if he maybe wouldn’t mind seeing him after all this mess is done.

He sees the black lines just past the cuffs of his finely-pressed shirtsleeves, and, when he turns to the printer and tilts his head over Form 1065, Dean can also see stark black points just above his collar, promising at a body full of tattooed curiosities that Dean’s dying to reveal from under those stuffy layers.

**Fishing**

> inthebackoftheimpala: DeanCas, fishing

‘I remember this,’ he almost says, but doesn’t because it’s one of those strange and dangerous thoughts from a time that never actually existed, and Cas can always tell when he’s talking about those strange dreams– he gets a pinched, concerned look.

Dean doesn’t want to remember them, anyway, because, in that world, those memories are tinged in red, orange, black, blood, fire, ooze, and he knows that in that world, he would not feel this comfort with Cas; in that world, they ~~were~~ – they _would not have been_ together.

So he smiles where Cas stands over him, instead, the yellow light off the lake, Cas slides a hand onto his shoulder and this is not a dream, Dean does not have to stop fishing, does not have to wake up, that hand will not let go of him: here, they can stay.

**Dogsitting**

> guusana: AU meme: Dean has to take care of Sam's dog, who has taken a like to Cas, a disheveled hippy that sleeps under a bridge in the park they take their daily walk through (????)

Dean’s a little startled when a rough and, well, clearly _stoned_ hippie dude steps right into his path and starts attacking Sam’s dog.

Well, not attacking, it seems: they tumble for a minute, then the guy pets Sam’s dog enthusiastically, telling him it’s cool to see him today and telling him there’s some new ducks out by the lake and… basically having a full-on adult conversation… with a _dog_.

Only when the guy’s eyes follow the leash up to an unfamiliar face does he pause and think to introduce himself, “I’m Cas, we’re friends– well, Daisy and I are friends, and Sam and I are friends, so that must make you the asshole brother, I’m guessing” – and after Dean’s done laughing his ass off, he has to admit that, for a dirty, dog-crazy hippie, the guy ain’t half bad.

**Renaissance Artist**

> ilikebeesandglowers: I FUCKING LOVE THESE!!! Um... Destiel, Renaissance artist and model :)

He’d been stopped on the road yesterday and grabbed by the face by a man with color-streaked hands who held him roughly and whispered how ‘perfect’ he was – it was strange, but flattering enough that he’d promised to come by his home in town so the man could “see him in the proper light.”

Now he’s naked except for being draped with a fine red cloak, manhandled again and posed in the slanting light under the window.

And then, for hours, the artist’s wild blue eyes roam and probe his body, until, at long last he sighs, all relief, and steps back from his initial sketch, swearing, “I may not ever do you justice, but I take great pleasure in trying, Dean – you are so perfect, I will have you in every light, in the dark, too, if you’ll have me in return.”

_ **M*A*S*H** _

> inthebackoftheimpala: DeanCas, M*A*S*H

Dean is the pilot who always brings the bodies in, always sees the back of Doc Cas’s head as he’s unloading patients and barking orders for triage… until the day he isn’t. Until the day he’s the one strapped to the side of a helicopter, bleeding from all over after getting shot out of the sky, and he looks up and there’s Cas’s eyes, widening in recognition before his hands are everywhere, prodding aches and making wounds sting more than they do. “You’re at the back of the line, Captain Winchester, you know what that means,” he takes one extra moment to pat his face and assure him, “the dead boys come in first, but you, you’re gonna live, I swear it,” he says, before barking at a nurse, “low priority, on to the next one.”

**Space Escape**

> robotmango: Dean promises he knows how to drive this one, how different could a Kubler XIX-Electro Excel be from a Kubler IV-Basic, really? They are gonna make it out past the asteroid belt this time and they are not going back to juvenile detention on Tarsus 9 ever again, ever. Castiel has packed his toothbrush, because wrong or right, he goes where Dean goes.

Cas’s fingers tap a nervous non-rhythm on Dean’s shoulders and it’s calming more than anything because he CANNOT fuck it up this time, not with Cas’s trusting breath close at his neck, his bag crammed with all his little life in it, each spare shirt and toiletry folded tight into a small pack, ready to follow Dean into the deep black.

Castiel’s face ghosts next to his, reflected in the screen, stats dancing around them on the heads-up display, and his nose slides into Dean’s peripheral vision, leaning forward, watching Dean’s fingers tweak the shields and nav.

“We have enough fuel,” he soothes, before Cas gives voice to his fear again – fuel is what stopped them last time – and as the smallest of the icy rocks at the outer ring smoothly roll past them, Cas breathes out again and curls his arms around Dean’s neck, sharing the dizzy feeling of _hope_.

**Reverse ‘Verse Post-Hell**

> Anonymous: For the three-sentence AU--Destiel, Reverse!verse with Cas as Righteous Man, right after Dean rescues him from Hell.

“Yep,” Dean dusts grave dirt off his hands, “not one doubt ‘bout who did the raisin’ here, yeah,” he looks around, satisfied at the flattened trees and shattered stumps while Cas heaves for breath and falls back on top of his own resting place.

“So you’re an angel,” Cas repeats, doubtful, and motions to Dean’s whole… get-up, his whole… look which is some kind of lumberjack truckstop chic or something, “and, you’re, what, riding around in some poor bastard?”

“Aw, this handsome dude asked for it,” Dean looks curious all of a sudden, “he said something like, 'I always wanted to have something that hot inside me’.”

**NU _Trek_**

> Anonymous: deancas, star trek (new movies) au please?

With so many ships gone off to aid Vulcan and so few of them reporting back, Cas is scared to fucking death that he’s gonna get stationed on a Starfleet vessel and Dean won’t be stationed on the same one. What if they graduate and are assigned to different ships and this chaos goes on and one ship has more intel or makes a better target than the other?

There’s no argument from Dean, after they hear all the news, after they finally learn what happened and the exact body count – the next time Cas exits the medical headquarters (so much quieter than it’s ever been on some floors and a tortured cacophony on others), he descends the front steps straight into Dean’s arms, “I swear,” he says into Cas’s ear, “I swear they won’t split us up, not ever.”

**New in Paris**

> stesichoreanpalinode: Here's another one: Dean arrives in post-war Paris studying under the GI bill. Cas is the older more cynical guy who lives across the hall.

Dean’s brain is drowning in language so hard that he’s in the middle of his new building staring at a hand-drawn map of where to find his room, _right in front of his room_ , just completely blanking out on what to do next, thinking about all the amazing food he smelled passing the bakeries and cafes and all the beautiful men and women dressed to the nines and the lovely shapes of their mouths as they flew over French and Dutch and Spanish and he doesn’t even know what else.

He’s blissed out on the experience and he has to shake himself and thumb through his eyes and- “You gonna stand there all damn day,” demands a voice from beside him, a man trying to get through the hall while Dean’s been standing there, vacant.

He starts to apologize in French, like he’d learned from the phrasebook, and then he looks up and the rough, deep tone of the American-accented English hits him and he starts again in his own language before he even looks up and smack into blue eyes– and imagine that, you know, thousands of miles away from their homes he should bump into the one guy he was meant to.

**Amusement Park Employees**

> deansnuggles: Ahhh I love 3 sentence fic time! Destiel - working at a shitty amusement park.

Dean’s shoveling popcorn and pre-packaged cotton candy at minimum wage hoping to be promoted to the frozen lemonade stand when this fucking dark-haired, blue-eyed hottie shows up at the roller coaster across the main drag. His first move is always to slip a hot guy some free deep-fried Oreos, maybe a soda or something while they chat, but everything about his physique screams Sam’s brand of health-food enthusiasm, so he knows this lame flirtation won’t help: he’s got to snag this one off the clock. Castiel does, in fact, shop at the little health nut market that Sam does, so he just _happens_ to tag along one day, and, to Dean’s relief, Cas laughs at him when he attempts a casual conversation while munching on a free sample of granola – they bond over how much Dean isn’t cut out for his drudgery over fried snacks _or_ the fruity hippie fare at Whole Foods, and go out for steaks.

_ **The West Wing** _

> deanhugchester: DeanCas, West Wing AU

Cas loves daily security meetings with the Joint Chiefs – not to be callous or anything, because sometimes something horrible is going down – but when he times it right, he can give President Santos an update on whatever bill they’re monitoring as he walks down to the Situation Room and he can see the Deputy National Security Adviser, Commander Winchester.

It’s brief and it’s in passing and it’s utterly wishful thinking, especially because Cas has a habit of dropping things, spilling coffee, and scattering his speech notes in Winchester’s vicinity, but a guy can fucking dream, okay?

Cas is drinking heavily, unwinding from all his work on the State of the Union at the afterparty, when he sees him outside of the secure area for the first time, fucking resplendent in his dress blues and… approaching… with his hand extended… Cas’s hands have never been steadier in Winchester’s presence, putting his cocktail glass down and accepting the invitation of a dance.

**Speeding Ticket**

> murderfeathers: dean/cas, speeding driver/cop

Dean grits his teeth and pounds the steering wheel before lowing the volume on the stereo and he watches… watches… watches in the rear-view and shit, fuck, goddamnit, there he goes– the state patrol car that he just whipped by is pulling a Texas Exit in the median and u-turning to chase his ass down.

He knows he was fucking up, he was at least 20 miles per hour over the limit and he is going to get positively nailed for it– it’s not like he was keeping up with traffic, the roads are almost empty this early on a Sunday morning and he was just letting the wind whip through the windows and the music roar; there’s just no excuse.

He starts pulling over before the siren even double-whoops, the lights already on, and he rolls to a stop, grabbing his ID and registration, hoping its some homely lady he can flatter and maybe flirt his way out of the ticket, but the guy who walks up is all thin strength under the layers of protective gear and he loses all that charm he thought he was gonna turn on when the trooper drops his shades to read Dean’s license, revealing these…. well, _arresting_ blue eyes - no pun intended.

**News Anchors**

> deansnuggles: Destiel - News anchors

They really shouldn’t do this, and they are colossal news geeks, and, let’s face it: nothing is gonna stop them from having a seriously fun post-election nookie session because what a wild night! So much caffeine still surging through their veins along with the beers that the rest of the crew cracked open when they finally handed the desk off to the 3 a.m. correspondents.

And Cas looks like kind of an exhausted wreck, especially in the harsh lighting of the dressing room, but no less fuckable – Dean wants him to tell him stupid facts about the Minnesota Fourth while he’s going down on him, he wants Cas to tug on his hair and keep babbling about how angry gerrymandering has made him… he just wants this night to have made a mark on himself as well as history.

**Garbage Dump**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean/Cas, garbage collector/dump owner  
>  (a/n thanks for that, it’s just so amazing)

The offices and bathrooms and employee lounges and all the interiors of the building are bright, amazing, random colors because the business is a literal dump and stepping outside is a bleak hell, so Cas’s brother helped him paint all the walls like a rainbow fucking exploded on the interior. Castiel’s office is three different kinds of blue, and his eyes are still the most startling shade of it whenever Dean walks in to hand over his numbers. And, listen, he may be a “garbage man” but he’s simply been doing this job since college because it allowed him to pay off his loans so fast - he knows how to use the rest of his money and use it he does, by bringing Cas a bouquet of its own explosive colors and asking him if there’s any chance he’d date an outside contractor.

**Street Performers**

> murderfeathers: dean x cas, street performers

It was a total fucking fluke, Dean was just visiting his brother in the city and he was waiting for a train, missed the right one, and now he has to wait some more, and he normally grumps at classical but this busker, this violinist is playing amazingly and he’s playing stuff that Dean can actually recognize, like, radio jams and pop music and even some classic rock but all on his violin.

He doesn’t have two damn dimes to rub together but he is carrying his guitar and he isn’t too bad, so he pulls it out and makes sure it sounds good, throws the strap around himself and asks if the guy knows any Zeppelin.

At his nod, Dean starts in on That’s The Way and the other guy picks up the vocal parts with his violin perfectly, and over the next half hour they net a small crowd and eighty bucks in the violin case… and Dean walks away with Castiel’s number.

**Chili Cookoff**

> Anonymous: Dean-Cas, cooking (maybe chili b/c it's fall?)

Dean only joined the neighborhood chili cookoff as a favor to Sam and because he wants to prove to his niece that, yes, Uncle Dean IS the best and, yes, he WILL totally cream all the gross neighbors, but when it turned out that everyone assumed they’d be patting him on the head, at the end, and handing this Castiel guy a giftcard to Lowes for winning, well, _it was on_.

He doesn’t let assumptions stand well - he likes to fuck up the nice, neat, orderly little neighborhood Sam moved into (as evidenced by the wild flamingo mailbox he installed one day when Sam was at work), so he just has to win it – he spends two weeks getting laughed at, at work, looking up fucking Martha Stewart recipes on his phone during his breaks and taking diligent notes, and, when the time comes, and they all gather at the goddamn gazebo to get started, he plans on winning, yes sir.

No, sir, he was not prepared for the neighbor – he’s disappointed, phenomenally disappointed, when it turns out that Castiel’s simple, practiced chili technique results in a bowl that’s fucking to-die-for (knows he’s screwed when the competitors are all trying each others’ chili and he can only stare, numb, down at his empty bowl, trying not to lick it), and Cas watches this happen, watches him finally look up, realization written all over him…. and he doesn’t do anything but offer a napkin…. then thumb at the edge of Dean’s lip to pull sauce off of it when he doesn’t take it… then suck the sauce off his own thumb…. yeah - Dean’s own assumptions screwed him this time.

**Grad School**

> Anonymous: 3SAU, Dean/Cas, school? (I am in grad school hell it is all I can think of)

“Don’t _fucking_ do this, you DISLOYAL son of a bitch,” the thick walls of the library blocked it out but all Cas can hear as he shoulders his bag and heads to the parking garage is someone screaming and a lot of thumping. He isn’t the heroic type, so he’s loathe to be the one who stumbles on some kind of, you know, crime, but it sounds like it’s coming from…

It is - there’s a man in the vending machine area out by the stairwell, shaking and kicking the living shit out of one of them while the massive thing doesn’t move an inch, “this is BETRAYAL,” he continues, “I gave you EVERYTHING I gave you my Last Fucking Quarter,” he nearly sobs in anguish and Cas genuinely knows the feeling.

“Excuse me,” it startles the guy, no matter how quiet he is, and he whirls, backing away from the machine he was assaulting, “no-no, it’s okay, I wasn’t gonna turn you in or anything,” he digs through his bag, then straightens the strap across himself and comes forward, flashing his Cheetos and a granola bar, “it’ll cost you a lot more to get arrested, and I know it’s not fine dining like ramen or anything,” he grins, “but we could split this,” he offers – and he doesn’t know it, now, but college starvation, it turns out, can be the basis of a beautiful, life-long relationship.

**Western**

> inthebackoftheimpala: DeanCas. Western.

The first time they’d stumbled across each other it was on the wide plain crossing out of Arkansas Territory up into Missouri where he wasn’t wanted by the Marshals yet. The second it was out back of a dark watering hole and their fumbling had been just as passionate, just as rushed. The third time Dean encounters him, his face hits his open palms and the cuffs clink around his wrists when he comes face to face with the Judge’s favorite son who, it turns out, is called Cas – _That’s some luck you got there, Winchester._

**Zombie Bunker**

> cirquedurartastic: Dean/Cas (duh), the bunker.  
>  (a/n It’s an AU meme so I decided to make it a zombie apocalypse bunker.)

The slamming wouldn’t stop and eventually the noise would bring more of the walking dead to Cas’s hiding place– though, really, he knew he was gonna open the door, anyway, it wasn’t in him to leave a person out there to die. What stumbled into the bunker as soon as he cracked the door open was a solid brick of a man, green eyes that had seen too much, shaking with panic and disbelieving of the relief that shelter brought.

He fell right into Cas’s arms as he was slamming the door shut again, and in the quiet of salvation, the tears came, until Cas wiped them away and promised in whispers that he wasn’t alone anymore.

**WWII U.S. Army**

> deansnuggles: Dean/Cas WWII US Army

He never wanted to share a foxhole with that mouthy Winchester brat but now that they’re in the shit together, keeping close for warmth, bickering about the ammo count and the right way to aim in the heavy wind, he wouldn’t have anyone else.

One night, after a shelling, they bunker down in their hole with one cup of hot water between them, trying to warm one another out of the shock. Cas counts Dean’s fingers and reassures himself they’re all there by taking one after the other into his mouth, tenderly, memorizing the gunmetal and soot taste of him.

**Middle East**

> Anonymous: Dean and Cas Mideast modern day  
>  (a/n I assume you mean Middle East and not the middle of the eastern seaboard because that would probably be like in-universe.)

You don’t use the showers from the afternoon through the evening in the Iraqi desert because the sun heats the tanks so hot that you’ll burn, so you use them in the early morning. The water’s cool enough by then but if you wait too long, then they’re cold – anyway, Dean’s got the temp and the timing just right by now, and he’s pretty sure he’s the only one. Except when he slips in to the facilities, he wants to flee again because that dark head of hair appearing over the stalls can only belong to Novak and he wants to dirty up Novak more than he wants to be clean of the gunpowder and sand.

**(Grumpy?) Old Men**

> deanhugchester: DeanCas as grumpy old men (that's AU, right?)  
>  (a/n You mean it’s an AU because they’ll die before they grow old? Thanks Jess. Nice job. Take this and go sit in the corner with it.)

Cas is the one who becomes most like Bobby, strangely enough, and no doubt Bobby will laugh about that when he sees them next– but not for a few years, Dean makes him promise. “Yes, of course, not for a few years,” Cas says, and takes his heart medication with the requisite finger of whiskey. Cas descends into his mess again, elbow-deep in books, always on the phone and the tablet, looking out for their young band of hunters while Dean is become Karen Singer, whistling in the kitchen, baking pies, promising the man he loves that everything’s going just fine.

**Penguin Dads**

> Anonymous: Three-sentence meme: Dean and Cas are gay penguins who are given an abandoned egg to care for (can't link in an askbox but Inca and Rayas or Jumbs and Kermit are two of the more famous couples)

Hester lays an egg and, much to Jo’s annoyance, Hester’s mate, Balthazar, refuses to do his duty in incubating it, considering his job done and always crowding up to the glass first when feeding time comes in the penguin habitat.

On a hunch, Jo takes their egg from the other side of the exhibit and offers it up to Cas who waddles around it once, inspecting, and then noses it toward his partner. Dean seems quite pleased to play his part, immediately sits on the egg, waits for Cas to fetch them both fish, and they go about the business of parenting with more busy energy than Jo has seen from any of the penguin pairs all mating season.

**Demon!Dean Pie Addict**

> pathsofpassion: also now destiel au of demon!dean where there is an intervention, not for demonic evilness, but because he's eating all the pie.

When Dean shows up in Chicago, bloated and purple-lipped from the blueberry pies in Ann Arbor, he zaps right into Cas, who stands tall and solid, arms crossed, and behind a line of salt.

“Lemme in, dude, I heard about the french silk pie here and I’m on a mission.”

Cas shakes his head, “So I heard; you’ve been terrorizing bakeries all across the country, Dean, I think it’s time we had a talk.”

**18 th Century Scotland**

> deanhugchester: DeanCas, both of them are sent back in time to 18th century Scotland. Bonus points for historical accuracy. :D  
>  (a/n guys i’m so serious you have way too much faith in my knowledge of history. suffice it to say, no bonus points for me. or wikipedia because geeze, thanks for nothing.)

Cas is somehow more interested in the culture and traditions of the place and time they’re stuck in than the alcohol. The alcohol is really doing it for Dean and he’s sticking his nose in some fine and varied ales and scotches, one of which he chokes on when their gracious, time-appropriate hosts show back up with Cas in tow.

It’s not a dress, yes, he knows that, it’s just that Dean can’t get over the fact that Cas happens to be wearing his favorite pattern of plaid and, underneath that, his athletic, muscled runner’s legs, and, if he’s learned anything from the movies, it’s traditional not to wear anything under those kilts… yikes.

**Demon & Angel Trueforms**

> murderfeathers: for the 3-sentence meme: dean/cas where the first time they meet they're in their trueforms (and dean's a demon) (is that AU enough?)

He’s never seen one before, but he’s been told this creature with its hundred eyes and shining halos of light about its wings and head is an angel… he wants to break it.

It’s what Dean’s used to, the killing – the maiming and torturing he leaves to lesser demons than himself and he breathes smoke, shakes and rattles until the killing is done.

It’s a good fight, an even match, and he wants to see how much damage that fancy, shiny blade could do to him if it ran him through and just as he’s on that point, just as anticipation crests, his claws lose grip on its wings, the bone blade is knocked from his hands – just as it’s about to happen, the angel blade on the point of _running through his neck_ … the angel **stops**.

**In Jail**

> deanhugchester: Dean and Cas get arrested together for some reason. Up to you why. What happens when they're thrown into a jail cell?

All is quiet at this time of night and that… really makes Officer Parsons nervous.

Normally the drunk tank is rumbling with the bitching and hollering and complaining of its inmates at 3:30 on a Saturday morning, more so than on the weekdays, certainly, and so he unlocks the block and makes his way down to the holding cells to nothing but a low rumble of a single voice peaking in mild curiosity.

“Donno, Cas” a voice responds, “but– oh, g'morning _officer_ , I think we might have to trouble you for some ice packs or somethin’,” the plaid-clad inmate says, gesturing casually at his feet to all their cellmates… clocked out and bleeding, but peaceful and unconscious.

**Music Video**

> Anonymous: Dean/Cas, music video. (Interpret how you will.)

“THIS IS CROSSING THE _GODDAMN_ LINE, GABRIEL,” Dean shouts at the unfeeling studio ceiling and the camera crews going about their business and he bats away the hands of an eager makeup assistant, still hollering at Gabriel to _let them OUT let them GO, you SONOVABITCH!!_

Castiel is not quite so reactive to this TV-land hell, content, it seems, just to know that it’s only his brother who’s pranking them, and not eager enough, for Dean’s taste, to be released.

"I do not think they should attempt that,” Cas tries to warn one of the producers before a bunch of models in stilettos are herded around where the Impala is parked beside a drum kit, and, sure enough, Dean straight-up CHARGES at the women as they start to pose with their heels digging into Baby’s pristine black paint.

**Bad Tenant**

> rattatea: 1.) destiel. 2.) one is a landlord; the other is a bad tenant

When Cas gets home from work he stumbles out of his piece-of-shit car in horror watching a second fire truck pull away from the duplex and the landlord’s rough-and-tumble son making his way towards him.

He tries to stutter out a “what the hell- is my house- was there–” but the elder Winchester son walks up with his hands raised, trying to calm Cas as his eyes go wild and he drags a hand over his scruffy face, digs the other into his unkempt hair.

“It’s alright, it’s _okay_ ,” Dean says, “next door, not you, no damage to your unit at all, _and_ ,” he says coming close “the police had to make sure no one was hurt next door, but I totally hid the bong and the stolen stop sign for you first,” he smirks, suddenly _divine_ and _wonderful_ in Cas’s eyes, “you’re welcome.”

**White House Employees**

> stesichoreanpalinode: Three-sentence AU prompt: Dean and Cas in the White House serving at the pleasure of the president (any president)

When the news hits, when it’s all done and signed and confirmed and there are people celebrating outside the courthouses and capitol, Dean straightens his uniform and holds his head high and, fuck’s sake, he is going to do this, and if it doesn’t work out, well, he’ll know today and it can be over and he can stop fucking wishing– he leaves his office by the war room and stomps across the West Wing to the communications bullpen.

Castiel is where he normally is when all his speeches have been delivered by the President and he’s relaxing his mind and looking at anything but his computer screen and keyboard; he’s even avoiding the victory celebrations across his office – the victory against bigotry, the booting of don’t-ask-don’t-tell and the freedom of military personnel to be who they really are – which is central to Dean’s current issue.

He knocks, knowing that Cas revels in the quiet, but that he’ll know it’s Dean and welcome his company, alone– and he does, even when Dean says what he’s come there to say, that he’s been loving him from afar and _would you like to, I mean, I know you’re always busy but, if you ever had a weekend, we could–_ Cas stands, takes his cover from his hands to hold them, and says, “yes.”

**Magic Girl Dean**

> bumblebea: Destiel, serious magical girl AU? I LOVE what writing of yours I've seen, by the way.  
>  (a/n i have no idea what this thing is but googling “serious magical girl” comes up with some anime stuff so i’m going to assume it’s an anime? normally i would be like, sorry, can you send me another prompt? but you were so nice i just decided to make dean into a magical girl.)

“This is fucking magic,” Dean says, topless, squeezing handfuls of his breasts in the mirror, blinking, and then smiling slowly in approval.

“Hey, what do you think, Cas, am I a hot chick or what, I mean,” he turns around and slips his jeans down over his butt, “will you look at that ass– I make a really awesome-looking girl.”

Cas finally wanders into sight behind him in the bathroom mirror, assessing the new look, head-to-toe, and watching Dean kick the jeans down to the floor while he finally decides, “the legs – yes, in any form you take, Dean, I am definitely more of a ‘legs’ man.”

**Cheese**

> tarastarr1: Dean/Cas, cheese (of any type)

Dean, his unbelievably hot neighbor, is at Cas’s apartment door looking sheepish when Cas gets home… he also appears to be carrying a fish bowl.

“Hi,” Dean greets him, blushing deep into the collar of his well-fitted suit, “I, um– your sister was around last week and I may have asked her about stuff you like and… she may have said you like goldfish,” he raises the bowl carefully, sloshing it only a little, to present a lovely little fishy glugging her way ‘round and 'round and Cas can’t help that he bursts out laughing.

“The– the–the,” he stutters, “the little cheese crackers,” he tries to explain through his hysterics, but he’s so charmed, so incredibly pleased that Dean would go so far out of his way to find something Cas likes, that he keeps the fish… and drags Dean into his apartment by the tie.

_ **Battlestar Galactica** _

> murderfeathers: deancas, bsg au

On the ship Cas is evacuated onto (and, he supposes, the ship he’s now living on), he tries to lend his hands wherever he can, though, truthfully, he thinks he’d do better among the military ranks – he used to be a soldier and this scraping and surviving and the little tiffs over leadership are irksome to him. He approaches the ship’s crew to ask if he can work security for his keep and the man he speaks to accepts the help, though he makes it clear he doesn’t think anybody’s gotta earn their keep – they’ve all just gotta live. As an unofficial member of the crew, he now bunks near Dean, that same generous, sane, fucking _beautiful_ man, and it’s driving him to distraction; he practices saying it for days before he finally corners Dean and proposes that they, “share a bunk, you know, to free one up for somebody else,” he smiles, nervous, until Dean’s smile creeps in and widens, lighting up his face in the gloom of the black where they’ve been drifting since the end of the world.

**WTNV Carlos!Cas**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean/Cas, Nightvale AU (bonus points for Carlos!Cas)

I arrived at the parking lot to find Cas perched on the trunk of his caddy in flannel and jeans, his perfect hair mussed, his perfect teeth hidden.

I worried that we were in danger, but he assured me that danger had passed and, in that blatant, unblinking way of his, that after everything, he’d simply wanted to see me.

He stared into the setting sun beyond the Arby’s sign and explained, “Dean, I used to think we broke the world or disobeyed god, but I learned that there is no such thing as destiny and underneath it all is just us, fighting to survive, pure and simple.”

**Ebay**

> inthebackoftheimpala: 3 sentence: DeanCas, Ebay

In the small-town local newspaper, Dean’s auction of himself is considered a novel little “stunt” to fund his education, but Dean is taking it 100% seriously– it would have to be serious because the auction lists his classic 1967 Chevy Impala with owner included, “will drive anywhere in the US to do a one-man remodel of your home for the price of a two-year associate’s degree” and he certainly wouldn’t be listing his car for sale if this were some kind of fucking joke.

It’s just him and Sammy and he’s had custody of Sam since even before John officially flew the coop (the court formalities and paperwork came later) and, to provide a better life for Sam, to get him through high school and, hopefully, some day, college, he needs at least an AS or AA to get a decent job, but there’s no way of doing that without some assistance.

Some rich guy in Chicago wins the auction and his friend Ash will drive the truck up with all the building materials Bobby donated, but Dean comes up first with the Impala, though, when he gets there, Mr. Novak doesn’t want the car, doesn’t think he’s getting sexual favors, doesn’t even really want a reno on his guest house, like he said, he just wants to offer Dean a place at the college his family founded, and he invites him to bring Sam along to live in the guest house as long as he remains a student in good standing.

**Super Shitty Retail Job**

> clotpoleofthelord: Dean/Castiel, super shitty retail job AU

You know, Dean normally lets these kinds of things go: when a customer is awful to him, yelling at him or insulting him or his team, he just shares a look with a fellow employee and they silently promise to talk shit about the person in the break room and chalk it up to another ignorant asshole who thinks everyone owes them just for existing.

Today he simply can’t shake it off and it’s almost physically hurting him, making his back and feet ache a little more, giving him a headache, and finally he shoves the pallet of cereal he was working on to the side of an aisle and stomps off to the backroom, calling for Cas’s 20 on the walkie.

He finds him back past receiving, scanning, scanning, scanning away and pulling bags of candy to send out the floor and Dean doesn’t pause as he approaches Cas, just barges right into him, pushes him deep into the dark of the end of the aisle and drops his head against him, burrowing his nose into Cas’s neck until he drops his PDA, huffs a breath, and tugs Dean in nice and firm against him.

**Organic Market**

> stesichoreanpalinode: Castiel opens an organic slow food local produce bakery at the foot of Dean's apartment building. Dean is skeptical about the kind of food he would produce - and then the aroma of newly-baked bread starts to float up the stairs... (the bakery part happened to me recently but alas no Dean or Castiel)

Sam is the one to cheerfully announce what he read in the paper, when he comes to visit, and Dean retains his doubts right up until the morning the apartment building stops smelling like the old breath of the city combined with the plaster-y construction on the top floor, and suddenly everything is saturated in the scent of _home_.

He follows his nose down to the bright stands of fruit and vegetables opened to he waking streets and, through the front door of the new market where he’s absolutely blown away by a wall of sensation: warmth, the aroma of fresh-baked bread, an earthy taste on his tongue before he even has an opportunity to order anything.

When the new owner (just him, flour-dashed dark hair, small smile, no one else around) turns around to the cash register to ask what he’d like to try, all that stumbles out of Dean’s mouth is, “My fucking GOD how much to just shove my face in a loaf of sourdough?”

**Landscape Architect**

> tarastarr1: DeanCas, landscape architect

He just met the guy so he’s trying to be a professional but in the long pauses while Castiel makes notes and checks prices, looks things up on his phone and comes up with questions, Dean can’t help that his eyes track back to him, up and down his body, and he can’t help that he takes deeper breaths, smelling the grass, the trees, this unfamiliar but appealing body so close to his.

It’s a contract job so he’s torn between feeling lucky and unlucky: it’s good they’re not technically fellow employees because then he can ask Cas out when the job’s done, but it’s also awful to think that, if he chickens out and doesn’t ask, or if Cas just isn’t into guys, he won’t see him after the job’s done – won’t see him every day, won’t see how the seasons change the light of his skin or how he smells against the burning leaves in fall or find out if his hair is any less ridiculous when the rain smashes it down.

Dean wonders if this is a love-at-first-sight feeling, if this is how it happens, because he’s been on the job with him for two hours and he wants to buy him presents on his 45th birthday, wants to drive him to work when his car won’t start, wants to hear him mutter over the sink at breakfast the same way he is over the pricing chart.

**Flower Stall**

> deanismypatronass: Deancas, flowerseller Dean crushing on beekeeper Cas (if you're still doing these?)

Mary had to hand off the business to him when she got real sick and he thought that he’d keep being sad about it, going into work every day, knowing it should be her there, standing and smiling and greeting people, and smelling like flowers and herbs, but Dean doesn’t stay sad for very long – he can’t, not with that goofy-haired guy at the opposite stand selling honey, going on diatribes all the time about how bees save the world and such.

Cas is a real treat and… a real gentleman, too, who notices when the job gets Dean down, notices when he’s thinking on his mom and wishing she were still here, and he helps Dean with the upkeep of the stand and walks with him to his car at the end of the day.

He buzzes about Dean’s life like a bee, himself, and Dean notices himself opening up to Cas like a flower under the summer sun, so he knows how healthy this is, how fresh and how good, and when he realizes he wants to kiss Cas, wants to draw him into his day and gain life from him, he doesn’t try to repress that: he kisses Castiel’s warm skin and noses at the hard-work scent of the day at his neck and draws his hands across his body and decides to feel better.

**Cronuts**

> Anonymous: DeanxCas, cronuts

This is ridiculous, Sam thinks, rolling his eyes and slamming his bag down on the table – it gets Dean’s attention and he pauses the video, dusts off his hands, asks, “Hey, what’s up, Sammy?”

“Cronuts- how-” he reads off the screen, “How to Make Cronuts- you’re– Dean, you’re fucking such a hypocrite, I mean, last week you were screaming about what an awful and unnatural and disgusting thing it was to see food trends that ‘god didn’t intend’ and now you’re fucking making them in your own kitchen just because that Cas guy posted a video!”

Dean fully blushes and tries to hide it by clapping his flour-caked hands in Sam’s face like he could disappear in a cloud of smoke, like he’s also suddenly a fan of _magic tricks, too_ , probably under the influence of Cas, this damn YouTube celeb he suddenly won’t shut up about – this is totally a crush and, Sam calls him out on it, coughing the flour out of his mouth.

**Nobel Prize Committee**

> Anonymous: Dean x Cas, Dean didn't think that he would meet the love of his life when he presented a Nobel prize to Dean's brother

Dean worries, daily, that he’s not smart enough for Cas and that the brainy circles Castiel runs in will just laugh at him any time he introduces Dean as his partner.

Cas assures him this is nonsense - both because Dean is brilliant in his own way and because Cas, himself, has some dumb moments, and he knows that everyone on the committee has dumb shit in their past, though he tries to illustrate the point by poking fun at someone over a botched physics experiment and Dean gets completely lost.

“How about this,” Cas whispers in his ear at another reception, Dean fidgeting under perceived glares in his tux, “What if I prove to you that we’re the same, with just as many eyes on us and just as many insecurities–” he gets down on one knee in the middle of the room, and all eyes suddenly dart down to him as he starts to ask Dean a question with what is, yes, a truly absurd amount of doubt in his eyes as to Dean’s answer.

**Ziplines**

> inthebackoftheimpala: Any pairing, ziplines

The amount of alcohol involved had to be carefully calculated - Dean read an article once about a bungee incident where a guy was given a cord too long for the shorter jump he’d paid for, so that was out already, and parachuting, of course, would involve airplanes and the poor boy would die of alcohol poisoning before that worked - so ziplines it is and Benny takes to the task like a day at work.

Dean puts down his burrito and tosses a hand at the bag of liquor Benny drops on the table, “What is this - are you actually contributing to the cause for once, Lafitte?”

Yeah, just not the cause that Dean thinks he is: because he knows that Cas guy Dean’s so sweet on is a thrill-seeker and Dean won’t ever shut up about the man if he doesn’t at least swing-and-miss on an opportunity with him, so liquor first, and he timed his texts so Anna would know to bring her brother over with the beer just in time… and he made sure she’ll bring the advertisement for the new zipline experience with her; lame, Benny knows that, but he’s tried everything else to get Dean to see reason, here, and if he has to string him up to a rope by the balls and throw him off a platform to get this done, well, what else are friends for?

**TV Bake-off**

> outpastthemoat: 3sau: deanxcas, tv bake-off type show

They announce Cas’s name and the room erupts around them in shock, though Dean totally knew he wasn’t gonna win - fuck it, everyone with _tastebuds_ knew it was gonna be Cas and not the other finalists - he’s more pumped for the win than Cas is, as he seems to be stock-still in shock, the judges grabbing his hand to shake and forcing flowers and a trophy into his arms.

Sam wades out of the crowd that rushed the stage and comes to clamp Dean in a hug, says he’s proud of him and making it to the final was amazing, but at this point Dean’s really getting concerned that Cas hasn’t said a word, his jaw just slack and his eyes wide.

He interrupts the judges, moves between Cas and the camera guys, and takes him by the head, “You deserve this - _you did it_ ,” Dean insists, and, absurdly enough, Cas’s first words are:

“You don’t hate me, do y-”

“Hell no, you’re gonna take me home and make me that apple pie you were bragging about,” he grins, a little flirty, just to get Cas to finally smile, and he’s teasing–

_Kind of_ teasing.


End file.
